Obsession

Ok, so you know those magazines called like Tiger-Beat or Bop or J14 or whatever? Those ones that tween girls pour over for hours, gobbling up every last useless tidbit of information about Miley Cyrus or Taylor Lautner? Girls all over the place are reading those magazines, acting like all the Disney Channel "stars" are their own personal friends. Why does it matter if Joe Jonas likes girls who wear heels, or that Miranda Cosgrove is "looking for love?" That's exactly the type of stuff splashed across the pages of these sad but worshipped teen magazines...

But, I have a confession to make. For a long, long, long time, I was one of those girls. I spent my allowance on those magazines all the time, hungry for celeb gossip that probably wasn't even true or relevant. I had the posters, I even wrote...(cringe in embarrassment)... fan mail. What a shame!

The biggest shame, however, is the girls out there who act their lives revolve around the celebirties, the ones who's bedroom walls are plastered with the faces of people they don't even know! As one obsessed fan said in one of these magazines, "Kevin Jonas means the world to me! His smile is always brightens my day!" Honestly, you've never met the dude! How can he brighten your day or mean the world to you if you don't even know him? This is insanity...

Finally

Here's something you probably didn't know about me: I'm not very good at making friends; girlfriends, in particular. Here's why...

I had this friend. She was new at school, and I was the one who welcomed her to my lunch table and hung out with her after school. I even marched down to the student guidance office and changed my class schedule, just to have more classes with her. Before I knew it, she was my best friend in the entire world. We practically lived at each other's houses, we went to every football game together, I listened to her complain about her boyfriend and she even celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family. The only thing was, I was so caught up in being her friend that I never made any more. It was all her, all the time, like I was living in a bubble that blinded me from the rest of the world. I was in friendship-dreamland, and one day last March, I received a rude awakening.

She had been ignoring me, hanging out with other friends, pretending I wasn't even there. I was getting annoyed, but I stuck around, because I had no where else to go. Then she texted me, and this is where it all began: she told me to leave her alone, that she had other, cooler friends to be with, that I was annoying she needed time away from me. I told her I was hurt, and that true friends don't need to "take a break" from each other. She begged to differ. We fought for about a week, and just like that, our friendship was over. Done. She had her "cool" friends, but I had no one. I sat alone at lunch, walked the halls with out looking anyone in the eye. It was a living hell, not having any friends.

I guess that's the reason why it's since been to hard to make friends. I'm afraid to trust anyone that much anymore... afraid that they'll let me down, ditch me, and leave me, alone, again.

So now, about year later, I've finally made some new friends. A group of girls who gossip, take pictures, and laugh hysterically. For the first time in a LONG time, i feel like I belong.

The Family Everyone Wishes They Had

I have that family. the one you see on TV, basically - a mom and a dad, happily married, a little brother and sister who play around like little siblings should. It's ideal! But, that isn't actually the family I'm talking about.

I'm talking about my extended family (and when I say extended i mean it - there are 19 cousins, one more on the way, and that's just the kids!). I love them more than anything in the world. We all grew up before each other's eyes. Lauren growing up to be a gorgeous love child with a passion for indie tunes, Will becoming a tall, athletic heart-breaker of sorts, even my little bro, one of the youngest, who has become a mini tae kwon do master. The thing is, though, we all click. We fit together like puzzle pieces, complimenting each other's personalities and laughing at each other's jokes. Being with everyone makes you feel like you belong somewhere, and you alway will.

How Could This Happen?

I am freaking out.

So here I am in the midst of so much goodness : my friend and I are planning a very awesome get-together for our friends before the formal, I'm making good progress on the novel I'm trying to write (more on that later), etc. But then, I decide to check my grades.

Look, I've always been a good student. I've never gotten any grade lower than a B, ever, and I've managed to keep straight A's all year. So imagine my surprise when I look and see that in math I have (it pains me to type this) a D and in English (cringe!), a D. Yes. English is my best subject. I read and write like a madwoman. WHY ON EARTH DO I HAVE A D?! And math... I've haven't been doing so hot ever since we started algebra. It doesn't make sense. I take notes in class, I understand the homework, and i FEEL like I'm doing quite well. Then, out of the blue, I get my test handed back and the grade sucks. I don't want to tell my parents because they'll freak. My mom will try to find a solution, like getting me a tutor or whatever. Been there, done that. My dad will lecture me and make me feel like the lowly scum of the world. This isn't me. I don't fail. I don't fail anything academic. I can't believe this is happening... I need to bring my grades up, ASAP. It shouldn't be hard. That's what I keep telling myself, at least.

Almost Summer

Ok, there are officially 5 (or is it 4? I can't remember...) weeks left of school. Which also means i have 4 or 5 weeks left of me being in middle school. Which means in just 4 or 5 weeks, I will transform from a middle schooler to a *high schooler* - a crucial transformation, in my book. Being in 8th grade means being a dorky little kid, but then when you become a 9th grader, you are suddenly cool and sophisticated and worldly. Ooh. But before I'm off to high school, there's summer. Ah, summer. A time for relaxation, friends, reinvention. Reinvention? Yes, reinvention. Shopping for a new wardrobe, cutting your hair short, maybe even finding a summer romance. On the subject of summer flings though, they're pretty stupid. A few summers ago, I spent time at a rental house in the mountains. There was this guy who lived next door, his name was Coleman. He was 2 years older than me, and he annoyed the heck out of me. I hated his guts! He would stand under my window and call up to me, "Are you there? Come down, let's hang out!" I would either ignore him, or tell him to go away. On our last day in North Carolina, my friends and I played baseball in the yard with him, and I realized how much i actually liked him. By now, it was too late, because we were leaving the next day. We went home, getting farther and farther away from Coleman with everyone mile we drove. I cried. How pathetic of me. The moral of the story is, try to steer clear of summer love, because in the end, you'll just get a broken heart. :(